It's nearly over. But before anyone calls me a Scrooge, indulge me, please. Just lighten up, 'cause this little rant comes from 30 years of retail and having to fight the wars of some of the worst of the worst of shoppers who, well, you know what they do...
But this isn't about that. This is about Christmas music. At work we listen to the same loop of songs played through infinity, it seems, from early November until after Christmas. This year's selection had to have been selected from the worst of karaoke night.
And online today, there is an article by Paul Grein on a music blog called "Chart Watch" that talks about the "top-selling holiday song of all time," and how it "beats out seasonal classics from Bing Crosby and Burl Ives".
The song? "All I Want For Christmas Is You."
The artist? Mariah Carey. Oh puleeze.....stab me with a Magic Marker.
First and foremost, I'd rather scratch all 10 fingernails on a black board than to listen to the warbling, yodeling, 30 octave screeching of Mariah Carey. Ya know, just SING. Stop with the vocal acrobatics, already! And if you can vocally reach octaves that don't exist, DON'T!
Fact of the matter is this: According to the Guinness Book Of World Records, the number one selling Christmas song of all time is "White Christmas" by good 'ol Bing, with estimated worldwide sales in excess of 50,000,000 copies.
Mariah? 1,794,000 downloads, more copies than "any other holiday song in digital history," according to Mr Grein.
Ha! I knew it! Digital smidgital! Downloads! Who cares?
So here's my not so humble opinion about what artists and/or Christmas songs should NOT be played ever again:
1. Mariah Carey. Nuf said.
2. Any song by pre-pubescent Michael Jackson. Just creepy.
3. Bruce Springsteen. I mean, who told that man he could sing in the first place?
4. The song "Santa Baby". By any artist. Rated R.
5. The song "All I Want For Christmas Is An Alien" by Fountains of Wayne. Huh?
6. No Christmas "music" from ANY rap artist, Beyonce, or TLC. Period.
7. American Idol contestants. Get a job. Go back to school.
8. "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee. Sounds like she has the hiccups.
9. "Little Drummer Boy." Second most annoying Christmas song ever. RumpumpumEEEK!
10. "Carol Of The Bells." Most annoying Christmas song ever. Take it into war, play it full blast at the enemy 24/7, and they'll surrender!
Oh, I could go on, but enough! Just give me Bing, Burl, Andy, Ella, Dean, Nat, and yes, even Alvin and the Chipmunks!
Merry Christmas to you and your families! May you all find joy, happiness, and love this coming year!
December 22, 2010