hello Dali
trunk too long off
the top of his head
too thick and pointed
there could be no
grace in movement
with that thick snout
and with eyes
evil and tiny
this carved creature
could only think,
if he could think,
"where is Salvadore?
surely I'm his creation
and we must talk.
Poem © 2010 by R. Burnett Baker
Photo courtesy of Willow at Magpie Tales blog.
would consider ending it at the second to last verse? at "and we must talk"
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a wonderful job of making a poem out of this prompt
Good job, Rick! I, too, found this creature a bit disturbing. And I remember trying to carve soap -- it ain't easy!
ReplyDelete@ Suz: You know, you're right! That would have been a better ending!
ReplyDelete@Vicki: To this day I won't use Ivory soap. Guess I was traumatized for life in the fourth grade! LOL!
Interesting... I like it!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Suz, end with "and we should talk." Loved your story about soap carving - did you get a better grade after the visit?
ReplyDeleteFrom one failed soap carver to another, nice job with the poem, Rick!
ReplyDeleteLoved the poem, it was interesting and yes his eyes were evil... and I was with you on the carved soap, poor little boy, what a horrid teacher!
ReplyDeleteChristine
He does have very untrustworthy eyes..
ReplyDeletekid's efforts should always be encouraged, from soap to poetry..nice.
You introduce an empathy with the creature here that is faintly disturbing.
ReplyDeleteI often look in the mirror and wonder if I'm one of Dali's creations...
Love the Dali references. I think he looks demented as well.
ReplyDeletedali and a memory of your aunt fighting for you--she would be proud! great posts!
ReplyDeleteGood thinking! Love the reference.
ReplyDelete